Wedding Wars: how to avoid divorce before marriage!
by Sara Chatwin
It is said that all relationships require work and certainly after the blush of the newness wears off, marriages, too, require work. Yet who was to know that actually getting married probably requires the most amount of work that any person will experience in such a relatively short period of time.
So many couples today report significant amounts of stress as they head to the altar … and certainly there are a raft of anecdotes and stories that most married couples have about the ‘agony and the ecstasy’ that seems to permeate wedding planning.
Often couples comment on how they feel very ‘out of control’ as they plan their big day. Others believe that much of the preparation revolves around what ‘other family members’ want and not necessarily what they intended for their big day. Take heart though, there are ways of minimising the stress during the process of wedding planning that can make your wedding day just that: YOURS!
Here are 5 hot tips for anyone embarking on the wedding journey:
1. Have a plan! The more organised you are, the more prepared for anything you become. Whilst ‘micro-management ‘ is not necessarily the plan, knowing what you want and what you are going to get at your wedding gives you a sense of ‘control’ and direction that helps calm any nerves!
2. Do what both of you want to do: Wedding time is a time of happiness and future plans. It’s also a time of strength! This is due to the fact that at some point you will need strength and resolve to get what YOU want. There will be many people popping their ingredients into YOUR mix. Strength is needed to stick to your original recipe and be the architect of your destiny and your future.
3. Move forward with both eyes open! Of course you become very wound up in the daily tasks of planning a wedding. However, take time out regularly to enjoy your life! Remember to do the things that you have always done, or further, that you enjoy. Don’t narrow your focus completely. There is life after the big day!
4. Don’t be scared to delegate! If you have a person or people you can trust to get some of the small stuff done, enlist their help and you may not have to sweat the small stuff. This is particularly helpful at a time where there is so much going on and, as the old adage goes, many hands make light work! (I would only alter that adage slightly by saying many SKILLED hands make light work!
5. Regularly remember WHY you’re getting married. Celebrate the ‘love’ part of the wedding equation throughout this planning process. This will keep you close to the excitement and joy that you will feel as you exchange your vows and start your life with someone REALLY special.
Weddings can be a challenge; a bitter sweet experience for many. So it’s important for couples to try to focus on their wants and needs for their big day and to celebrate in a style that they are comfortable with. And when the wedding is over and you have negotiated your way up and down the slippery slopes of seating plans and floral arrangements, your future together will seem like a proverbial walk in the park!
Sara Chatwin (Reg. Psychologist and director of MindWorks: Life Performance Specialists) is a familiar face on our TV screens and in other media. She is highly skilled as a life skills manager, stress buster, mind coach and mentor. www.mindworks.co.nz / www.facebook.com/mindworksnz1